I am back

     Wow berabuk teruk blog ni. I am literally here after what, 5 years haha back to where i first decided to write. its 2017 when i tried to "acah acah" put short shit on this blog. Its funny yet nostalgic. I always use blog as a place to vent to just jotted down the experience i face and fast foward its 2022. I am here as an excuse to look busy while all my teammates are busy with their work haha. I need to appreciate the leisure time i have because after this i will be back looking trough my phone and laptop. 

Since i started to join the job i am having right now i have forget the luxury of having weekend myself, the luxury of my phone wont stop ringing during most of the time 24/7. So many thing happen during 2021 and have brought me back to zero. But bila pikir balik its not zero its bringing me to another platform to raise my level. 

I am no longer engaged and i found someone new. I have been feeling different and i needed therapy so we can say that i am good now hahaha. 

okaylah need to continue look busy by using other method haha bye guys

Step 2; Don't Jump

Hi Guysss!!! you know today i was so determined on writing a post sampai i asked tipah which one should be the right title to put as the step 2 and thanks to her for being the one who supported me this few months ( tipu je..she almost killed me this one time when we are on our way back home from work hahaha)

Before we started on this second step of moving on, i hope that you guys already pass the acceptance phase because darling it was hell..i know boo and you succeed even just a bit it counts haha so chins up darling :)

you need to know that you must not jump into this ....

first buying nyx product at sephora because it is much cheaper in Hermo instead hahahaha kayy i'm just kidding.. sale junkie like me, you might understand this joke and if you are a guy and reading this blog mohon pedulikan lawak hambar diatas sebentar sahaja tadi.

so if you are on the tip of a cliff i'm telling you baby please back off and if you are on top of a building ready to pretend that you can fly or shit like that i think it is probably the best if you take a few step back because you know you ain't superman honey and the least thing you'll get is probably a major injury on the head, instant death or a big bills for the hospitals. Are you seriously going to jump? are you really thinking this through and are they really worth your precious life? you have sacrificed a lot and now your life?

maybe some of you guys might be thinking like "apa lah kejadah sebab putus cinta nak bunuh diri..takda agama dah ke?" or maybe "inilah mesti dah ****** tu pasal nak bunuh diri..first babe you are not in the place to judge someone mental health and you are not the one to judge the faith of that person. not everyone are strong enough to face test that god put them through sometimes they need guidance not nonsense bull**** like above.

and to my babies who thought by ending your life will make him/her regret shit they have done to you. you need to know first they wont probaby give a ****. so don't self harm yourself. there are still people that love you sayang and an arsehole like them won't appreciate a gems like you. Don't jump you'll make a mess and it ain't worth it sayang. Do you think that he will regret those promises he breaks? no baby no, he is laughing with his hands running on his new girl and news flash she ain't you. Don't jump baby hold my hand and take a step back. don't cry over those shit heads ever again

the other thing you don't want to jump into is from one toxic relationship to another. Again why are you running in circle getting into one snake to another. haven't you seen the pattern where they have been spitting the same venom all over again?
i'm not being bitter and telling you to stop believe in love because what i'm saying is you should give love another chance but the most important part is give you yourself a chance. Stop taking every guy that cupid shoots his arrow for you, take a few months to know that guy and his intention towards you. you are seeking for a rebound? honey that will only heal you temporarily and as the saying goes "it is better to be alone for your whole life rather than being with a wrong company"

follow an advice from my wawa which is 

" be with someone that loves you and not the one where you are the one who love them because if thats the case you can be easily replaced" 

SO DON'T JUMP BUT INSTEAD GIVE THE TIME FOR YOURSELF TO PONDER THE BEST THING FOR YOU. KEEP CALM AND GO FOR A HOLIDAY (that doesn't involve jumping off a building or shit liddat) kbabaii

Step 1 ; The Acceptance

hahaha so yeah again i told you previously that i will write again and if you asked me about 10 steps to move on i need to tell you things like cliche stuff yknow like for example go stuff your face with chocolates hahahaha. okay baby wipe off that tears of yours, they left after they promised their life with you don't they?

and every night you keep on repeating that moment they look at you smiling or the way they treat you whenever you sulk. It hurts? i know it does.

The first and major step in moving on is acceptance, and baby, not everyone can accept things changed not like how they used to because everyone is different. When things like this happen to me, it took me a solid 2 weeks of me and myself alone to learn to accept. Throughout the 2 weeks there are sobbing on my bed while watching love stories, sending heartbreak text trying to make him realize what he did wrong (stupidest idea ever), putting sad caption on social media and lastly trying to pickup the pieces he broke. In conclusion i look like a sad pathetic puppy who his owner died of cancer or something and i will wait on his grave expecting to revive haha lol

when someone left the hardest part in moving on is :

" accepting the fact that they left"

why do you need to accept?

because baby when you still hold on to them you'll keep hurting yourself. I know deep down inside everything still hurts those hearts of yours. even if you smiling and pretending there is nothing bothering you. Can it really fool yourself in thinking that you are okay? 

the analogy of mine is quite simple, one of your favourite mug suddenly dropped and shattered into pieces. you have lost something precious and keep on trying holding those little pieces in hope to fix it. Without you realizing, your hand is bleeding from the cuts that little pieces of mug did to you because you have been holding the sharpest piece all along.

in life you will hold onto the memories and promises

its either the promise they made where they said they will never leave you

the little gestures that they did whenever you guys are together

the way they react when they first met your family

this pieces..let it go

baby, take as much time as you want in accepting the fact that they left but remember if its not now then when? your heart will get tired that is why baby let it go and don't hurt yourself more. damaged have been made don't add up the wound.

I'm writing again

hello people on earth, so let me just say that, first you guys asked for this!!!! hahaha that is for me to write again. haaa menyesal belum?? aku akan pastikan yang vote for me to write again to menyesal hahaha..yeah hi gaisss..miss me yet? hahaa. 

so cut this stupid hi hello BS so yeah . you guys have voted for my comeback entry aite?

hahah asal takde siapa nak aku tulis pasal 10 step to know if he is gay haha boleh aku buat research sedikit sebanyak haha..adekah lelaki memakai subang hitam dekat belah kiri sahaja gay? adakah jalan terkepit-kepit itu gay???!! haha

tapi what you guys voted for is something that is currently im facing with right now

so let me tell you the do's and don't whenever you facing a heartache, shattering, bloody break up haha

so that we can grew out of this together, shall we?

this upcoming post is for the people who never give up in love and those who are tired being with the wrong person whenever they thought that one special person was the one. it was never on how long you know them but more likely what you lost when they left.

this is my moral support to all of you, in hope that you wont do stupid stuff.

because at the end, losing yourself because you lose someone is not worth it.

xoxo

pearl

HATI

I just can't write anymore, there is nothing left to write nor say because whats left is him falling out of love. You have been grasping a thin fine line in hoping that he will turn back and see you again. You have been wishing the same old prayer of yours for him to be just like before. The way he holds your hand make you feel warm and secure. His every gesture was a way to prove his love to you, but not now. Now the only thing you feel is a distance holding you away from what is yours.

The HATI of yours.

IRON

Bismillahirahmanirahim

Diam itu lebih indah.

Februari

Dulu aku guna yang lain

bicara yang lebih panjang

sekarang dah 21 aku malas

nak tulis pun acah acah fattah amin punya ayat

biar

pendek dan simple

cuba terangkan pun orang masih degil

ikut assumption masing-masing

so kini aku buat yang baru

kerana aku dah jadi yang lain

bukan aku yang dulu

so februari be nice

sekian tutup salam